Relationships and Desire

By Dani Kreeft

“Why did God bring ______ into my life if the wake he (or she) left felt so wide it just knocked everything in my life over when they slammed the door?”

I completely get that feeling. I used to live in it; for years.

Because we’ve always been told everything happens for a reason, I spent years as an incessant maniac running down some cranial hallway trying every key in every possible reason going, “Is this the reason? Nope.” Next door. “This is it?” Still no. Then the next door. “Key doesn’t fit. Why, God, why?! You’re the worst!”

I’d go and I’d go and I’d go, door by door by door.

That’s how I arrived at the MetaFormation workshop, with just a big ol’ ring of keys that fit into nothing, wondering why this relationship had ever happened. And it was painful. I was bereaved in a very real way -- constantly on waterworks watch.

When that relationship came up in one of my peer coaching sessions, the question returned: “Why did God put someone in my life like that and then just yank him out?” I had to have an answer.

I gave some backstory and probably cried before someone asked: “What kind of partner has God been through this process?

I said, “Steadfast. He’s been so steadfast. In this other relationship,  it was up and down and all over the place - I felt whiplashed on this human rollercoaster - but God remained with me. In the morning, He’d be there. At the end of the day, He’d be there. Always there.”

“So, how have you felt in His steadfastness?”

I paused.

“I’ve felt free,” I answered. And something clicked.

I’m sure my face physically registered the instant awareness. I’d felt so emotionally caged in, like I had to fly so low to the ground in case of an emergency landing, but with Jesus, I could fly as high as I wanted because He held me regardless.

“What if God’s steadfastness is His way of showing you what to look for and what you deserve in an earthly partner?”

My eyes cracked wide open. And I saw it. God has never wasted a chance to show me who He is while I’ve been at the wheel of picking my own partners. And when I was done focusing on the blame game, I could see what He’d been doing the whole time: showing me how to be free.

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